25 Things About The Freak I Married

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The Blind Man's Agony

A hush fell over the court.Draupadi was being disrobed unceremoniously by the lustful Dushasana,reduced to the status of a slave through the bumbling maneuvers of her self-righteous husband Yudisthira.The unthinkable had occurred in the land of Dharma where Dhritarashtra was King. Since his birth, the eldest son of Ambika had been dealt a tragic blow. Born blind, he refused to accept pity, rigorously strengthening his other bodily faculties such that on attaining manhood, he was proclaimed as the man with the strength of ten thousand elephants. His visionless existence keened his other senses extensively, as he moved expertly from one place to another with an uncanny ability to deduce the other person's moods and sometimes, inner fears. Had he been stupid as well as blind, his sorrow would have been lessened. But he was an able administrator and a keen strategist, wise and patient, unlike the headstrong Pandu.Pandu the Pale, handsome, ambitious and noble-the sightful second son.Strangely, he thought, Pandu was always viewed by the people of Hastinapura as the natural heir to the throne of Hastinapura.Fickle, ignorant lot! As though his blindness rendered him defective and hence not applicable. His foolhardiness was interpreted as heroism, his excessive love for hunting, a royal skill. How he wished he could turn the tables on Pandu! He sensed the strained politeness with which the courtiers addressed him as Pandu aggressively annexed the lands based on his own strategies. The mockery and derision was intolerable.Praise for Pandu was desolation for Dhritarashtra,noble but blind.Yet Fate had smiled on him.Pandu’s lust for hunting caused him to be cursed by a distraught sage separated by his mate due to Pandu’s cruel arrow. Cursed to fear sensual ecstasies,Pandu retired to the forest with his two wives after his own grand coronation as the noble King of Hastinapura.Those days in the court, where the courtiers were divided between lamenting the loss of Pandu and mocking his celibate existence,Dhritarashtra was relieved. The Gods had shown mercy. This was Dharma. This was Right.He was the righteous ruler, with the young wise suta Vidura at his side as a loyal counselor, he could look forward to a long, prosperous reign. As Gandhari began bearing him sons his happiness seemed boundless. He secretly gloated at Pandu’s barren, childless life in the forests where he would live and ultimately, as Dhritarashtra wished every moment, die without a son to conduct his last funeral rites. The underdog had survived. His own sons were free to grow and expand the Kaurava grandeur throughout Bharata.His sons would not suffer as he had.But,just as the howls of hyenas shatter the peace of the night, the tranquility of his reign was shattered.Kunti returned with five young sons bearing noble statures escorted by a retinue of sages. Before he could even react, the city had been decorated with full gaiety and the Pandavas, as they were being called, were being welcomed with full aplomb. He was astonished into disbelief. How could they believe the words of Kunti? Everyone knew Pandu was cursed.Rumours were abound that the boys had been fathered by the heavenly gods themselves.Dhritarashtra could have laughed out aloud at the utter foolishness of it all. His sightless eyes searched the wise counsel of Vidura .Vidura would surely see through this Adharma.But Vidura’s words left him speechless-the sons of Pandu had returned, they deserved the royal house of Puru as much as Duryodhana and his brothers. That was Dharma!Duryodhana!His handsome eldest son, born to carry forward the illustrious name of the house of Yayati,Puru and Shantanu.He could almost feel the rising resentment in his son’s heart-his royal path as Heir-Apparent obstructed by the appearance of not one but five descendants of the deceased Pandu.He would not allow these so-called sons of Pandu to relinquish the glory of Duryodhana.Even as he ordered Vidura to make the necessary arrangements for the grand welcome, his keen mind frantically sought potential stratagems to obliterate the clan of Pandavas.Maybe the five could be divided through persistent ,discreet manipulation, thereby fighting and killing each other, clearing the path for the Kauravas.Very well, he would have to take Shakuni into confidence……….. He heard the tinkling of bangles behind his throne as he sensed Gandhari stifle a cough.He could feel her sense of revulsion at the heinous act being committed by her own son, but her hatred for Draupadi outstripped all kind of pity for the nearly naked sobbing girl.Gandhari would never forgive the headstrong daughter of Drupada for openly laughing at Duryodhana at Indraprastha.This, was a cruel revenge for a trivial act of mockery. The Pandavas would never forget this humiliation, Draupadi would never forgive it. But to allow her to be stripped any longer (it was taking longer than he thought) would be foolish. The wolf-belly Bhima had threatened to assault Yudishthira while Vidura beseeched the restoration of Dharma .Like his son’s ambition, Bhima’s anger was uncontrollable when unleashed. Like a volcano, it could erupt any moment, engulfing everything in its wake. Opportunities would again arise, he was sure of it. He would still battle Fate. For now, he would play the part of the suppliant.He cleared his throat and began,”Draupadi……” 

It makes no sense..

Everyday,
Is a battle within..
I try to move..
and the walls close in.
And just when it seems,
to devour me whole
the darkness erupts,
in a magical glow.
I see a sparrow
wild and free,
I see myelf
as free,as she..
the grass so green,
and the sky so blue,
I reach out to find
it all gone,untrue.
When will I wake up?
When wil i fly?
From this abyss of confusion,
Into the world truly mine.
Who will listen to me?
Blind in a deaf world..
Who will hold my hand,
and guide me through..
I am not afraid,
of being pushed and set aside,
All I fear is..
a darkness without light.

Interregnum

why?
i dont know
you dont?
hmm..maybe
how come?
like i said..
but still?
its not that simple..
no?
its a circle..
a circle?
u win some,u lose some..
and then?
u rest here..
thats all?
for some of you..
what about the rest?
for them,life is a cigarette..
a cigarette?
it begins with a mellow calmness.. soothing as it matures..and then,when everything seems perfect,it burns to ashes...
it doesnt happen to all of us?
its your choice,really..
i didnt wish for this,did I?
maybe u did..
but what if i didnt?
it makes no difference...
why not?
because life is a circle..
a circle?
u win some,u lose some..
and then?
you rest here....

An Incarnation's Dream

Die now. There is no tomorrow. Bright sunny morning it should be, one with little sparrows chirping in the wind. Why do we even think it’s going to work? Alone and helpless. Vulnerable is passé. Agony is subtle. Are you  insane or the world just turned you down?

I enter this feeling with trepidation, not because it has come before and left me cringing, but because its there. I write now, but ill regret it later. Foolhardy expectations from this path I’m on, maybe love will cross paths, maybe there will be a defining moment, but most of all there will be the silence. For years now, it has been a struggle to let go, to vanish without a trace.Fly without feeling. But the creator hath done and hence we believe. To live is to suffer. To die is to be reborn in another life. There is no help, but within.Outside, you are defined, defensive, defeatable.Your skin crawls, your breath reeks, and your hands shake. But you trudge on, little knowing that the end is far more terrifying than what we bargained for.here.

Excuse me sir, but is that your guilt? It has no place here. No vacancy in neon. Blinding lights follow me, cursing me, questioning my ways. What happened to the mute button, I mutter. People stare, talk ,share , feel and  listen. And piece by piece, I shrivel. Forgive me father, for I confessed. This isn’t what I wanted to be. This is what I believed. Wholeheartedly.

Fly now. The earth is shrinking. People on the busy streets, with wires in their ears. Hearing and seeing, but never believing. Green light, orange light, Red. Screeching breaks, one sigh and commotion. Blood, I see, racing across the road, like a caged bird which is set free. I bite my knuckles, struggling to control my convultions. I look up,and the crows are circling up above, a deathly spiral. Escape is impossible, the human multitude encircles me. I try to scream. One defining sound, and All is Silent.